“No one is in control of your happiness but you;
therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.”
Dr Barbara De Angelis, American Relationship Consultant
In his book, “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself”, Michael A. Singer explains that it is important to know that YOU are NOT the ‘voice’ inside your head. That meaningless, chattering mind is not you. YOU are the one listening to it. Mindblowing! Understand this concept and your world will change, believe me, it is the pathway to your future growth. The voice, or psyche, chatters because you are not OK inside and it is a way of releasing that toxic energy. If used properly, the same voice that has been the source of worry, distraction and neurosis can become the propellant for a successful, balanced life. The key is to get to know the one who hears the voice.
Your psyche will never find contentment, as it always has a problem with everything. It wants to solve and fix problems. The real you, your soul, is always naturally free, as it only sees the problem objectively, rather than being lost in it. Can you see the difference? You will have a different reaction to a problem when listening to the psyche than quietly sitting in your soul, your ‘seat of consciousness’. For example, it’s raining. Your psyche voice will be chattering “My hair’s getting wet, blooming heck, I took ages doing it this morning, look at it, I’m going to look daft in front of my customer, I’ll lose the sale, I won’t make this month’s commission, how am I going to pay the bills? I’m going to be made homeless, where will I go then? I am going to die.” Extreme. But this is how your psyche works, it bats right into your fears (dying being the greatest). And your soul or seat of consciousness? “I’ll put my umbrella up”.
HOW DO YOU FIND YOUR SEAT OF CONSCIOUSNESS?
So, how do you find and then remain centred in your seat of consciousness? You need to constantly ask yourself “Who am I?” Who is the person watching your dreams at night? Who is the person in the mirror? Stop right now, without any distractions and say “Hello, hello, hello, it’s me, I’m here”. Did you get a voice saying, “This is stupid, what are you making for lunch, I must vacuum under the mat?” The YOU saying hello and listening to the chatter was your soul.
Sit peacefully and close your eyes. Quieten the mind as much as you can (you won’t stop thinking, just relax away from the thoughts). Now open your eyes. Look around you. You see objects in a physical form, detached from you. Now step back into yourself and close your eyes. You can hear thoughts, running away with themselves. Then step one more step closer to yourself, and feel any emotions in your body, not pain, emotions. How are you feeling? Can you ‘name’ the feeling: ‘content’, ‘worry’, ‘excitement’. Relax again. Now step one more step closer to you. YOU were the one looking at the object, listening to your thoughts and feeling your emotions. This glimmer was you being in the seat of your consciousness.
SAMSKARA: BLOCKED ENERGY
I recommend you read Michael A. Singer’s ‘Untethered Soul’ as he explains in greater detail what I am about to explain here. In the West, we tend to ignore the energy within (spiritualism), giving more credit to the energy outside (materialism). Thoughts and emotions take up energy. Have you noticed that some days you can feel so low, without energy, yet you see your 80-year-old mother briskly walking her dog? That is not because energy comes from food or sleep, it comes from deep within. It does not get tired or old, it doesn’t need food, it needs openness and low resistivity. It needs to flow freely.
The only reason you don’t feel the energy all the time is because you block it. You close your mind or your heart so you don’t have to ‘feel’. You have no energy when you are depressed. This is what is means to be blocked. Chakras at each of the ganglia or nerve plexuses along the spinal cord enable energy flow along the spine from the hypothalamus, pituitary and pineal gland to various organs in the body and vice versa. Different endocrine glands connect through the spine at each of the chakra points. Neurohormones flood the bloodstream: serotonin and dopamine create happiness, adrenalin and cortisol create stress. They are also spiritual energy points. If you keep these energy points open and flowing freely, you will feel life and alive, will love, have enthusiasm, excitement and energy.
And here is the sticking point: NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES CLOSE OUR ENERGY FLOW. Negative energies become blocked in your heart chakra, closing it, or they are stored deep within your body as pain. Singer refers to these blocked emotions as SAMSKARA. Emotion is energy (think anger). It may not have been released from the body because you have either not had the opportunity to release at the initial point, maybe because it was a traumatic event, or you have been taught to ‘control your emotions’ and not to express them. Energy will only expand outwards unless it is contained. This stable unit of energy just keeps moving in circles inside of you. If you are resistant to feeling these emotions then your body will not let them go. They get stored encrusted in the heart, lodged in body tissue as pain or disease or stored as toxins in globules of fat.
You will react to life based on your samskara. For example, if you were left by your partner for another person and it has deeply hurt you, but you only buried the pain, you have closed a part of your heart. Next time you have an experienced where somebody speaks to your current partner, then what you SEE, makes you THINK they will leave you and you have an EMOTIONAL reaction of violent rage or become extremely paranoid. You have not dealt with the old samskara and old patterns keep repeating themselves.
According to Louise Hay in ‘Heal Your Life‘, the pain in your hip is a resistance to making a big decision in your life or fear of moving forward. Maybe you have been affected by a financial decision you made a while back which was a failure. Have you got over that? Is it preventing you from moving on? Have you still got that protective layer of fat on your thighs from a negative incident that occurred as a child? Molestation or bullying? Does this finally need addressing?
PURIFICATION FOR FREEDOM
To no longer have a closed heart, physical pain or protective fat layers, you need to release the samskara in a process called ‘Purification’. (Please note: I am not talking about serious diseases, as these need looking at by a physician). If you prevent these emotions from coming to the surface, but then quickly ignore them and push them back down (or drink and eat them as I did), then they are going to keep on swirling round in a circle lodged in your body. But feeling takes courage. You need to face your demons. But with it comes freedom. Would you not prefer that? Have the courage to face your emotions once a for all.
There are many ways to dislodge energies: Counselling or talk therapy is very important for deep-seated negative emotions and will open up samskara. Stretching in yoga helps release samskara in muscles and organs. Meditation allows you to feel the emotions surfacing and allows them to be seen and heard. Detoxing releases both physical and emotional toxins from the body. Using essential oils in aromatherapy will help release blocked emotions and old feelings. Purification involves you to allow the feelings to surface, feel them, detach yourself from them seating in your seat of consciousness and then LETTING THEM GO; physically feeling them leave. This is how the R.A.I.N Technique works really well. Tara Brach in her book ‘Radical Acceptance’ explains that it’s about processing and accepting your emotions at the moment they occur.
I had one of my greatest breakthroughs doing this in a meditation one time. I have been on a spiritual journey for the past 3 years and have been loosening deep-seated emotions. And one was ready to be released. Some time into my meditation, I felt tremendous anger seeping out of my stomach (solar plexus) which was like black sludge making its way up. I directed it to my heart for purification. As it began to exit my heart it turned into a black, fanged dragon. It progressed out of my heart through my left shoulder and I felt horrendous physical pain. It turned its head towards me and snarled. I felt fear, actual fear. But deep down in my seat of consciousness where I sat, I had the courage to face it. I kept saying, peacefully, “You may leave now. You may leave now”. It continued coming out of my body through my shoulder swirling above me, then disappeared. I was left exhausted but relieved. I had to sit for 5 minutes collecting my thoughts and allowing the pain in my shoulder to subside. I must admit, I do not have the same feelings of anger come up anymore. Yes, I get angry, but I tend to say a few swear words or scream into a pillow and those feelings go. I don’t have the deep-seated anger within me holding me back any longer. So, now your turn:
The R.A.I.N Technique is about Recognising, Acknowledging, Investigating and Non-Identifying with the emotion, then letting it go. It is about stepping back and observing the emotion without judgement. Sinking into your seat of consciousness will allow you to do this, by becoming centred and non-judgemental. So saying “Hello, hello, hello” briefly will enable you to identify YOU, separate from the object or thought that has triggered the emotion and the emotion itself. (See the initial diagram above). do this every time you get a strong emotion emerging.
Recognise when a strong emotion or anxiety is present. You will be surprised by how many you have in a day. Let’s say ‘annoyance’. What does it feel like? To me, it is a sudden churn of my stomach and then the emotions circulate my body like tiny purple, orange and black pins poking at my skin, locking my jaw.
Now acknowledge that the emotion or anxiety is circulating your body and allow it to just be. Allow yourself to just feel the emotion and where it is going in your body, without being ‘caught up in it’. This is the point when we ‘react’. Pull away and sit centred in your seat of consciousness. Those purple, orange and black pins make me feel uncomfortable enough to want to lash out and scream at the person, which inevitably upsets them when it’s my ‘problem’, not theirs.
This is the bit we tend not do. But becoming self-conscious and self-aware of ourselves, in order to begin to heal ourselves, means we need to do this bit. Look into the emotion or anxiety more deeply. From your seat of consciousness, ask your mind to find out where the emotion or anxiety is coming from. This may take a while, as it may be related to something that happened years ago. My annoyance was triggered by my husband coming in and disturbing my meditation, making his breakfast (object). I can hear him trying to be quiet but all I am thinking is, “I really need my own meditation room, this house is too small, I can’t keep meditating in the lounge next to the kitchen” (thoughts). I get irritated and annoyed (emotions).
So, I investigate why this has annoyed me. I want to move to a bigger house or somewhere peaceful by the sea. But he doesn’t. He wants to stay in this house as he likes it. I feel trapped and having to make do with a situation I am not happy with. Why do I feel ‘trapped’. Because I don’t have total control over my finances (which most married people don’t anyway) but I do like living with him. I go deeper. I have a fear of being financially lost without a base, so I stay where I am. Where does it come from? Childhood. Divorced parents and constantly living in fear of losing my home. A break up in a marriage has already disrupted my home life, so I have learnt it can happen again. I feel powerless. My fear and powerlessness is a childhood samskara which I need to release. Every time my husband interrupts my meditation, the same energy keeps getting triggered.
NON-IDENTIFY AND LET GO
The final stage is to not identify with the emotion or anxiety. They are passing fancies and are not permanent. They do not determine you as a person. They are unwanted layers coming off you. The pain you are feeling with any release of emotion is a shift in your energy field for the better. Mentally allow the emotion / anxiety / samskara / energy to go through your heart. You may feel hot burning, but this is the energy being purified ready for dispersion. You have to physically allow the emotion or anxiety to leave your body: to LET GO. Allow some time for your body to recover from the energy release and bring yourself back to centre. I summon up my purple, orange and black pins to make their way to the heart (I am already detached from the emotion) and I unclench my jaw. I now need to let this energy go. They disperse out as bubbles. A purple one “You are your own person, you have free-will to do what you want”, an orange one “Be grateful for a beautiful, peaceful and comfortable house. You are safe” and a black one “Trust. You will get the peace you are searching for”.
Essential oils have the ability to unblock old emotions and feelings. Rose, Ylang-Ylang and Jasmine are very good for bringing up emotions and helping you cope with them. Geranium and Rose Geranium help to soothe frayed emotions. I recommend you mix 1 drop of each with 15ml Grapeseed or Almond Oil. Or you can purchase my product HEALING Bath & Body Oil, 100ml, £22 which I have blended to help heal emotional wounds. It has a wonderful floral smell which is ideal for when taking a relaxing bath.